#licensed gifts
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it's been an absolute shitball of a week, so here's something massively self-indulgent to make myself feel better.
#art#twisted wonderland#i probably screwed up the spinning wheel sorry#i tried to research but i don't know it as well as i know knitting#so uhhh artistic license i guess#anyway i do 100% believe that lilia knits but is extremely bad at it#and yet cheerfully insists on giving handmade gifts at every opportunity#and i mean. you can't NOT wear a sweater someone made for you. even if it's...that.#the real debate i had with myself was continental vs english#in the end i think he alternates depending on mood#(why yes i do have needlecraft headcanons for every character i've ever looked at. what about it.)
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Can I ask what pushed you to end Hounds the way you did? It's a fantastic ending, but I'm curious. I expected the Fates to revive Dream, or allow him to inhabit a new form (such as one made by Daniel, so that Dream becomes a dreamthing), etc. But instead, his death is made to have never happened. Which makes it partly feels like Hob's whole road trip journey was for nothing since he lost all those memories and connections with Matthew, the Corinthian, Delirium, Despair, Desire, Death, etc. (thank god he kept the farmhouse). But it's almost like he traded all those memories and connections for Dream. Unless I missed something while reading (I was crying very hard).
Again, fantastic ending, and I'm also glad it's a happy ending. But I'm curious as to why you didn't go in the other direction
howdy! thanks very much for the ask — an excellent query, one which i’m happy to answer
(verg of the future: this answer ended up long! there’s a short form at the top here and at the end <3)
in brief: he did make that trade you described! but not strictly for dream — it was the price of swapping genres!
an explanation:
what i had in mind while planning and writing was less the idea of erasure of prior narrative action and more a subversion of the expected genre, in particular the genre tropes that follow dream in the original arc of the comics, where his story is very classically tragic (with the understood weaving of hob into that tragedy, this being a dream/hob telling and all)
for reference, i also drew a lot of inspiration for hob’s road trip odyssey from the aeneid, an epic that is, yes, about the founding of rome but also (at least to my reading) a fundamental tragedy — the cost of founding rome is aeneas’ home, many of his friends, much of his core family, and the very end of the story is not some victorious depiction of the glory of rome to be (which we do get earlier in the book, with the ekphrasis on his shield) but aeneas, overcome with fury and loss, killing a man who begs his mercy. i’ve always felt that the aeneid, while certainly stepped in the expected amount of roman nationalism, is centrally about a single man and his singular suffering as an instrument of higher destiny.
i wanted to model hob’s arc around the aeneid (minus, y’know, some of the chunks that are strictly battle sequences <3) both because intertextuality is a huge part of how i wanted to handle hounds (story about stories, made of other stories, etc), but also because hob and aeneas are fundamentally parallel characters — nomads with exceptional ordinances, permanently displaced by the passing whims of higher powers, men who are made to reckon with both extraordinary wonder and extraordinary tragedy regularly while still, at their core, just being human. that’s what makes aeneas so compelling — he’s just a man. and so is our beloved hob — that’s his whole thing, his whole narrative function and his whole central ideal, humanity
so then, approaching hounds with both the thought of the sandman’s original tragic contours (see: the whole lead-in to daniel. christ above is the way that goes devastating to read) and the man vs fate core of the aeneid, i was considering a lot of things about how to mess around with both notions without gutting them entirely. i tend to dislike tragedies that become un-tragic without some sort of Serious Payment For It (not to say i don’t like happy stories because i very much do! but i get ticked off when high stakes get deflated too quickly) and i didn’t want to undermine the very real fact that the Fates are typically not versed in notions of empathy and/or leniency, and that dream and hob and those around them did experience and endure devastation and loss, and that death is a fact typically immune to argument.
the world of sandman is not one with easy answers, and to my mind there’s no such thing as a bargain with the Fates where you break even. for hob to get what he wanted, something had to be given, something dear and vital and real. there’s more to what hob actually gives the Fates than he verbally stipulates, which i tried to address largely via the corinthian and his perception of the situation, especially those last conversations with dream in the “swamp”. i have a lot of options about the corinthian in his function as “dark mirror” having a blistering clarity of understanding much of the time, which is why i foisted the onus of those complexities onto his dialogue, rather than hob, who (and i say this with love) is a creature of bias and often blinded to greater repercussions of his actions insofar as they extend beyond his immediate objectives/enjoyments, or dream, who can see the bigger picture but i think often really keeps himself from doing so when it comes to anything at all that’s personal (king of stories has a blindspot for his own). what hob gives the Fates actually costs him almost nothing, in the long run, if we operate with the idea that he cannot remember, nor is there any lasting effect from, his 600-ish heavily-relived years. there’s narrative and symbolic weight, of course — he gives them love as an oath and as nostalgia (sidebar: his driving force is an almost pre-nostalgia, a continual love of the moment as the moment is passing, but anyway) (cuff links), he gives them in a captured moment the lovely discomfort and simultaneous brilliance of being alive (the hook, the finger prick the blood), and he gives them a rich and complicated experience of humanity (those 600 years). but practically, what is actually taken from him that he doesn’t just get back?
only those few months — and in them, a web of real and known connections, all of which matter, and all of which change his understanding of and relationship to things like grief, and loneliness, and fear, and forgiveness. those are important changes, real changes, that would affect how he operates in the world going forward. that development is gone. he returns instead to the (of course, fought-for and hard-won) stasis of what was, which becomes what will always be. in making the Fates and their judgement more complex, he has actually made his own life less complex. now, i’m not going to sit here and argue that “suffering has inherent value” or some shit like that because i think that’s bullshit! pain is just pain. but he does lose experiences which would have shaped him in new ways, and, i think, good ways. even important ways
and he may well be shaped towards similar courses with dream (especially re: learning that lesson about loneliness — i think hob suffers from the curse of always, ultimately, being alone (immortality etc there’s so much discourse about this), and the road trip was in part about him learning that though it is the simplest path it is neither the sole nor the best path), but he certainly doesn’t learn them the same way, with the same faces, with the same acuity and clarity and intensity.
the thing with the Fates (to me anyway) is that you don’t ever just win. maybe you can get what you want, but it’s not easy (it make take a thousand repetitions of your lifetime until friction and the touch of your hands wears the sisyphean boulder down to a pebble — like the parable of the bird scraping its beak on the mountain), and it’s sure not free.
so yes, those months are lost. that’s a big part of the price. and we don’t know, at the end, how much of that thing he really gave ultimately comes back — his new relationship depths with deanna or cori or the other endless, those things aren’t seen. the main arc is resolved — hob and dream — but there are still pieces missing. he loses a piece of his human experience, he gets tossed back around through the wringer of his life (which is often distinctly not pleasant), and he is, as he ever was, a character with a path whose impetus and dictation rest heavily on external forces. even in attempting to channel his life elsewhere, he still has to bargain, and is still subject to the choices of the fates, and in some ways the story remains irrevocably a tragedy, in that one way or another it has loss in a central place. in the latter half of hounds hob really became my attempted version of an aeneas type — a man with a quest and a fated directive, a deeply human and flawed individual, who can alter the path and even irrevocably change the genre of his own narrative, but only at cost.
of course let’s be clear! some of all the actual rendering of this ended up as it did partly because i am not always a clean writer, and for that i apologize! but i did genuinely want that sense of gaps — of faces and voices given over to the gravitational well of the principal narrative arc of hob/dream versus the Fates. i think those things are gone. the narrative is forcibly re-centered around hob and dream, and in doing this — in shifting the story genre — other ties and bonds are not just cut, but unwoven entirely. when you change the kind of story you’re telling, the change is done at the expense of something else. kind of like how there’s a fixed amount of matter in the universe? you can’t create or destroy matter — to make something new you have to take from another place. (sidebar: wow i’m realizing something about my fundamental storytelling beliefs right now! laws of physics! anon your ask has really got my cylinders firing, and most sincerely thank you <3)
still, they might come back. though i didn’t write it as fully as i could have (i will freely admit there was a great deal of burnout at play towards the end there), i had a lot of thoughts re: repetition and density, namely that if you stack a thousand repetitions of a lifetime against each other it’s the equivalent of writing a word over and over and over on a page. when you erase it, the channels remain. language flows most naturally in the direction once etched for it. maybe hob learns those same lessons and knows the same people in the same way — maybe he and the corinthian find that odd patch of common ground, maybe he takes a long drive with delirium through rural maryland. maybe there are echoes. maybe even if it is gone what was still shapes the topography. maybe a kindness or a word exchanged still ring out when you can’t see them or remember them. while the milestones of our lives rippled the most visibly, i think we’re shaped a thousandfold ways by accumulations of small things we can’t distinctly remember. only a feeling of a thing, or the negative space it leaves.
well. tl;dr — i didn’t want to let hob get away without actually giving anything up, nor without his choice to bargain affecting others besides himself in equally irrevocable ways (sidebar: at his core is a selfishness that is both charming and ignoble — he wants to do a good thing for dream but also he makes a call that changes a plenitude of lives other than his own, and i don’t think he really asks, he just does — grey areas are his whole gig to me), because nobody makes a deal with the Fates for free, and changing genre has a price tag. it was my effort to make the tone of the whole beast more authentically sandman-esque, since sandman does a lot of that sort of water-muddying, especially when using understood narrative models/archetypes/etc etc
i am. sorry this was as long as it is! jesus! but i’m sending it off all the same. anyways, anon, thanks very much not only for your lovely kind words and the high honor of your tears (no pulitzer could mean more to me than knowing a thing i wrote really moved someone, seriously thank you) but also for giving me a blank check to go buck wild and ramble about my own damn writing and Things I Just Think <3 i hope you have a lovely day/morning/noon/night, and thanks a bunch for dropping by <3 <3 <3
#the sandman#hob gadling#dream of the endless#dreamling#hounds#vergil says hello#vergil says way more than fuckin hello tbh#vergil writes a manifesto woukd be a better line for this#anon has given me the greatest gift: License To Monologue#fingers crossed any of that actually answered the question at hand#thanks for saying hi and asking things because i love both experiences immensely#<3 <3 <3 <3 <3
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I took my new e-scooter to the drive thru and I don't think they were expecting to see that
#context: this was an early xmas/birthday gift#so that I could go places by myself bc I can't drive a car#people. I rode this thing all frickin day till my butt was bruised#first I went to the library to ask about jobs but of course there were no openings#so after that I said y'know what. I need a cookie to drown my sorrows#and I just frickin did it. I took my 27-year-old no-license-having ass to the wendy's drive thru#folks it felt LIBERATING#thankfully there were no other cars there so I was more comfortable about it#I also got stuck behind a lady on the sidewalk with headphones in going .0005 miles an hour#but that's a less interesting story dkfjg#daily marshmallow#my art
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it's my birthday tomorrow 😳 my dispensary does birthday deals, i might get to pick out a treat or two... maybe the bong i've wanted for a while, maybe edibles or some prerolls. who knows ^w^
#the gift i originally wanted didn't really work out#i wanted a new vape battery online but i had to get 2 (wouldn't allow me to check out with 1)#and it wanted my driver's license which like. i'd rather do that in person. so i did#the one i have now costs less anyways#*less than one#my old battery's charger snapped in half and the wiring came apart </3#dose tox
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Miku hammer on Facebook marketplace???
#hatsune miku#vocaloid#is this like… officially licensed? nothing comes up when i google it#if it is that would be so fucking funny#imagine getting vip tickets for a vocaloid concert and the bonus gift they give you is a fucking hammer
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new wireless keyboard is so nice though. the clicky sounds are so good and it feels so nice to type on this ouhhh this is gonna get me back into writing
#personal#IF I CAN GET MY FUCKING OFFICE LICENSE BACK WITHOUT THE PRODUCT KEY#SINCE I CAN'T ACCESS THAT ANYMORE BECAUSE OF MY STUDENT ACCOUNT BEING TERMINATED#edit before anyone gets mad in my inbox: keyboard was a gift and office license was required for school. ok bye
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that damn toyota tore my meniscus
#when i catch the person who gave that man a license..#the gift that keeps on giving! right when I take my wrist splint off
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i have this terrible habit of comparing myself to artists who've had success when they're still young, like how fall out boy had four studio albums before any of them had turned 30, patrick stump released soul punk when he was 27, ben platt won a tony when he was 23, you get it, right? but lately i've been thinking about interviews where patrick talks about not being able to imagine doing anything else, because music is what he loves and what he's good at. the work i do right now isn't what i have a degree in, it's not what i want to make a career out of, i'm still using a license i got when i was 16 (which makes it almost ten years ago, and also begs the question why i was allowed to do this as a literal child?), and god it's so easy to get down on myself for not being able to break into the field i want to, to still be out here doing the same thing, but when i take a step back i realize i'm really good at my job, and from the beginning it has never been about changing the world, it's about making individual moments better for individual people, one at a time. and i am good at that. i am an important part of the team for that.
#ramblings#fall out boy#fob#patrick stump#soul punk#ben platt#i dont even know if you can get your cna at 16 anymore?#it's one of those things that i mention and people go “you can do that???”#gifted burnout kid#i looked it up pretty sure you have to be 18 now#i got my cna license i think a full month and a half before i got my driver's license?? maybe longer?#for context i had to be 16 to start clinicals and get 100+ clinical hours on top of a full course load and extracurriculars#drivers license was 16 and a half#it's crazy how full circle things have come because i was sixteen and wanted to work in the er (couldn't -- was literally a child)#and when i was 19 i volunteered in an er while i was pre-med#and now im 25 and working in an er in a body that feels familiar with people who call me by a name that makes sense
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stress stress stress syress
#need to buy momo tickets need to buy christmas gifts need to apply to colleges need to get a job#need to get my license need to make sure i can GET to momo need to finish my cosplay#need to pass all my classes need to work on music need to work on my portfolio need to fix my saxophone#i need to be shot#rzr speaks
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Yoooo happy birthday @petrock42clone I made a thing for ya! :D This thing actually took a little while to finish (with the frames being manually being drawn on Ibis Paint and Microsoft Clipchamp being a bitch), but considering what I'm able to do as an amateur animator, I like how it turned out ^^ Characters used (in order of appearance) Sketchy (Axel's ARMSona) Crossfire (my ARMSona) Tracey Doodles (on the left) (ARMS OC by Axel) Scarfer (on the right) (ARMS OC by Axel) Jeon-Neo (Punch Out OC by Axel) Kapster Shot (far left)(ARMS OC by Axel) (I actually did the design based on a description of what he looked like by Axel a while back, so if I missed anything, I'm sorry TwT) Dustin Fleetwood (middle left) (Punch Out OC by Axel) Beep Bow (middle right) (Punch Out OC by Axel) Siren Sparky (far right) (Punch Out OC by Axel)
youtube
Here's the inspiration for the video (I also got the audio from there and yes the audio is edited there too)
Okay I'm gonna post (most of) the individual animations below, since I really like how they turned out
#crossfire drawings#crossfire animations#<- in case I plan on doing more animations in which I might it sounds fun ^^#art#digital art#arms#arms game#punch out#arms oc#punch out oc#gift for a friend#animation#if there's anything wonky on the video I blame most of it on Microsoft ClipChamp#Youtube#also good luck on getting your drivers license/learners permit Axel!!!
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EXTREMELY low effort plug n play cover with very default settings mixing i did in like 20 min but im trying out voisona and holy shit tsudumi's 2.0 sounds SO so good
honeymoon un deux trois by dateken (original vocal rin), UST by purblexber
#voisona#vocal synth cover#suzuki tsudumi#needs a lot of work. mostly needs better placed breaths than the default and the legato situation is dire#she just ran a marathon into the studio and immediately started singing no breaks LOL#but man you can hear anju inami's tone clearer here and its great. i always wished she did more solo music#but shes like busy with stage work and whatever else so i understand. so this will do hjkfdhgjkfdgfd thank u anchan for this gift#i dont mind cevio ai's odd max-setting-autotuney sounding engine quirk but man#am i glad they let u have a free voisona license for vocals u bought on cevio because tsudumi specifically i prefer here#she has a warmer tone i think is how id describe it#voisona aint half bad! i do which the pause and play buttons were the same tho but thats a problem i have with cevio too#and i do need to alter the shortcuts because rn ctrl scroll is zoom vertically instead of horizontal which is...lol#but every audio program will have ui quirks so i dont mind. fl studio keeps killing me with the shift scroll not being scroll timeline#and instead being move audio over?? bizarre. oh and i guess voisona keeps glitching out the text in the top bar for some reason#i do like the vibrato editing settings tho. its not super precise it seems but its fast
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Just got my official driver's license (I can drive alone like an adult). 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳
I'm a big kid now!
#this is the greatest gift and relief right before my 30th birthday#sarajinkipersonal#2023#slowly adulting#driver's license#driving#I had a pearl aqua wrist band on and my jjong necklace and I know it gave me confidence and strength
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God, I wish my mom’s love language wasn’t acts of service. it’s made Mother’s Day a living hell
#vent tw#I love my mother but GOD is she unbearable during times like this#she doesn’t want gifts only labor and it’s like… ma’am I can barely feed myself at this point#and the rest of my siblings only sent texts so like the labor is all up to me 🙄#and it’s still not enough#I’ve been trying really hard to clean the house up like she wanted for today all weekend and also clean up the baby coop area for the chicks#but executive functioning issues and depression and chronic illness have made that really hard so#I’m failing at that aspect#god I wish I didn’t live at home anymore#someday I’m gonna get a license and hopefully a job and if not a job than approval for section 8 and I’m getting the hell outta here
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Pretty Pink Peony Aluminum License Plate - On SALE!
#frankie cat photography#frankie cat#on sale#christmas#great gift#gift ideas#vanity plate#license plate#peony#pink peony#peony vanity plate#peony license plate#after Christmas sale#spend your Christmas money
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listen
if your officially published English version of a cnovel has no translator credit on the cover, I’m going to assume a machine translated it and avoid it like the plague
please put the name/pseud of your human translator where i can see it
#fox text#i will not name the publisher but it is one that won't even answer their emails#who keep licensing things and then blowing right past their preorder dates#this is the 2nd time i've had to cancel#i don't actually read them myself#but i do buy them as holiday gifts#also i don't particularly care WHO translated it#i just want a HUMAN#i want to know that I'm paying a HUMAN#i want to know you didn't rip some translator off by paying them 25% of rate by making them fix your MTL that's all
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good news of today:
my future job sent me candy to wish me luck for the NAVLE <3
oh! and it’s 1 week until my birthday aldjlakslsk (only sad news is I won’t be 26 anymore dude)
#bex talks#you know you’ve found the best company to work for when they send you gifts#and you don’t even technically work for them yet because you’re not a qualified doctor#but y’all#when I say I found the company of my dreams to be a vet for#I mean it#they’re soooo good to their doctors and their techs and staff and they treat clients and patients so well#they best healthcare for pets and programs meant to help clients pay for services and top of the range equipment#I’m just so happy when I get my license that I’m gonna be a vet and work with such wonderful doctors#anyway#how is my birthday already a week away???#it was just Christmas like what the heckie#where has 2023 gone??
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